Never Good Enough
by Fangs of Lightning
Summary: First he isn't good enough for her. Then he becomes a hellion. Why is such a simple sentence so hard to say?


Written for a prompt on tumblr.

Not Good Enough

It shouldn't have been so hard. Walk over, say three little words, and he's done. Instead, he stood in place, staring at her from across the room. She wasn't talking to anyone; hadn't been for the past five minutes. Just sitting there. Leaned against the wall and sharpening one of her knives. Looking as beautiful as ever. Lunarre took a breath and approached her. It was now or never.

"Boss?" He meant to say her name, but the title came out instead. He's so used to calling her that now.

"What's up?"

She paused in her sharpening. Looked up with those beautiful blue eyes and Lunarre fell again. As usual, he's unable to tell her how he feels and goes with the first thing that comes to mind.

"I was wondering if you'd help me with my training."

That laugh was light and carefree, like her general attitude. She leaned back and smiled up at him.

"You've been training a lot lately."

"I need to make myself useful to you somehow."

It hadn't taken long to realize he was no help at all with the Sparrowfeathers. He just wasn't good with people. Never had been. So the Scattered Bones was the only side of this guild he could really help with. The stealth was no problem. Thief, assassin, both required the skill to hide from people. What he needed was to get stronger. Better at fighting. Maybe, if he was a better match for her, he'd be able to say it.

"Let's get to it then."

* * *

Training with Rose always reminded him why he couldn't- shouldn't- say it. He'd gotten fast over the years, but she was faster. More agile. No doubt thanks to just how long she'd been fighting.

Again, he found himself laying on his back staring up at the clouds. As usual, it had been as one-sided as it could get. He'd really hate to piss her off and have her attack him for real... Rose leaned over him, blocking the view with her beauty and he smiled.

"You really are amazing Boss."

"Flattery won't get you out of a fight, you know."

Maybe that could work. There were plenty of ways to express how he felt without using the exact words. He wouldn't have to worry about any negative reactions. Rose extended a hand and he took it, getting pulled to his feet and standing there. A cold wind blew between them and Rose took her hand away to rub her arms. Neither of them were dressed for the cold.

"Maybe we should go back inside," Lunarre said. "It's starting to get cold out here."

* * *

Rose didn't usually put too much effort into her appearance, even when doing her duties as leader of the Sparrowfeathers. Not so much effort that it'd take longer than ten minutes. Lunarre sighed as he was pretty sure half an hour had passed by now. Sure, she'd just gotten over a cold- one he'd fortunately not picked up while caring for her- but half an hour was too long.

The door opened and she finally came out of the room. Wearing her usual outfit- tight black pants, sea-green and blue shirt under a cream jacket, and her boots. Her hair styled the way it always was.

"How do I look?"

"As beautiful as always."

"You sure? I thought something was off."

"Your face might be a little more flushed than usual. Are you sure you're over that cold?"

Rose nodded, placed her hands on her hips, and smiled. It was as playful and cheery as usual and he found himself smiling back. Now if only she could pick up on things as easily as she smiled...

* * *

Really, he'd tried everything by now. Everything but giving her gifts. Nothing he thought of was the right kind of gift for Rose anyway. Lunarre kicked a foot through the dirt and sighed. Just saying it was out of the question and really, he'd said it so many times by now. Every time he expressed concern in her safety. All the compliments. Helping her every time she asked, no matter how well he did... And she still hadn't seemed to pick up on it. He couldn't just walk up to her and say it. Especially when he was so certain she'd take it as familial. That's what this guild was to each other. There was probably some unspoken rule about getting romantically involved with each other... Lunarre looked up, getting the feeling that someone, or something, was there. But it was just the wind. Lunarre shivered and went back inside. He may be far from the best, but he could tell when he wasn't alone. Tomorrow, he'd get up his courage and say it to her face. No matter how she reacted.

Except tomorrow didn't work either. They had a new job- kill Hyland's Princess Alisha. Rose seemed eager to get it over with, had everything planned out already, and they headed out early in the morning. The princess was going on some kind of trip and they were to ambush her while she was on the road. Distract her guards and test her skills. Since he'd been given the job of targeting the princess, he needed to give it everything he got. Failure was not an option. Not with Rose watching.

Lunarre looked over to where Rose was hidden on the branch of another tree and sighed. Emotions weren't supposed to distract assassins to this degree. Especially ones they hadn't even voiced yet. He really needed to figure out how to say it... The sound of horses and conversation grabbed his attention, distracting him from his distracting thoughts, and he got ready. That had to be the princess... and her three guards... They stopped and the knife thrown down barely missed Princess Alisha's face. The other three jumped out and he waited. Rose had given him orders and he intended to stick to them. Wait until the princess's guards were distracted, then-

The slash aimed for her throat was dodged and Lunarre skidded for a few moments on the dirt. Turning to face her again as he did. He'd barely come to a stop before running at her. The princess had taken a battle stance. Charging in would be a bad idea. The six knives he threw at her were effortlessly knocked out of the air with her spear and Lunarre paused. So she was better than they thought. Whatever. He could handle her.

Run in. Slash. Dodge. Look for an opening. He had to succeed. It was the first time Rose had entrusted him with such an important task. If he failed here, there was no way he could- Lunarre jumped back to put some space between them and think. She moved forward and he pulled his blade up- getting it knocked from his grip too easily. He jumped back again and tried to ignore the panic he was starting to feel. When Rose said the princess knew how to fight, he didn't think she'd be this good. One. Two. Three. Four. Easy enough to avoid the thrusts aimed at his head. She changed position, spinning her spear to her side and adjusting her grip. This would be easy to avoid. He just had to take careful aim. Lunarre changed his grip on his remaining weapon and lunged forward at the same time as the princess. She moved down and to the side with her spear, the weapon was knocked from his hand, and her spear came down in front of his face. Barely missing him and both mask and hood fell off.

Shit. No one was supposed to see their face... he screwed up big time... Lunarre dropped to a knee with a hand over his face. Of all the- A princess had beaten him. With ease. He was nowhere near being the best but this... Since when could royalty fight so well? How the hell was he supposed to say- no, even look at Rose now? This should've been easy. She must be so disappointed. He still wasn't good enough. All he'd managed was to add another failure to the pathetically long list.

"Who sent you?"

"Enough. Retreat."

Her voice came on the wind and Lunarre looked up. Was that disappointment? No. It sounded like her usual commanding tone. But maybe if he could just...

"Boss, I can still-"

"You are no match for her."

Yeah, yeah. He wasn't good enough to handle one simple task. As usual. All his training had been for nothing. He'd never be strong enough for Rose. It was impossible. Once a pathetic waste, always a pathetic waste. The pain in his chest increased and he grimaced. This wasn't the dull ache he was used to. Maybe laughter would make it stop. Smiling helped Rose through so many things...

"You're real good, princess."

Something changed when he looked up at the startled princess. He could feel his hair heavier on his back. The sudden surge of power through his body. Rose had ordered him to retreat... She wouldn't want someone who didn't follow her orders. Lunarre left, jumping up and back before leaving the road far behind him.

* * *

Even as he was now, he still couldn't tell her. Not because he was shy- no, his sudden increased abilities had made him far more confident- but because that damn seraph was always there. He knew when Lunarre was nearby. Stared right at him and Lunarre recognized that wind. Now, so many things made sense. There had been a seraph with them all along. And his signal was clear- Back off.

Okay, so he knew he was a hellion now. The Shepherd and his little seraph friend had called him that even before becoming the Shepherd. But it could still work. If Rose would have him. If she could just be alone long enough for him to say something. But that damn seraph... the others too, but especially him.

Lunarre snarled as that wind blew over him again. Turned to look at the grumpy seraph that rarely left Rose's side. He had his arms crossed over his chest. Looked relaxed, but Lunarre knew better than to assume he wasn't ready to attack him.

"What do you want with Rose?"

"Is it any of your business?"

"You're a hellion."

"And still a member of the Scattered Bones." Lunarre smiled at the seraph. "I just want to have a little chat with our lovely Boss."

"I'm supposed to believe that?"

"Oh come on, Seraph. You've been around long enough. You know I'd never hurt her."

"Maybe when you were human."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? His feelings for Rose hadn't changed. Being a hellion didn't mean he was suddenly a threat to her. If it came to a fight over their differences, then he wouldn't not defend himself but... Lunarre glared at the seraph, getting a growl in return.

"Stay away from her."

Without another word he was gone. Who did he think he was? He wasn't Rose's boyfriend. That would've been obvious. Maybe he had feelings for her too? No, that didn't quite seem to be the case. His actions were more protective than anything else. Whatever it was, he was in the way. Of course something else had to come up when he was finally worthy of her. There was also her new job to worry about. She was supposed to purify hellions with the Shepherd. And since he was a hellion...

This sucked. Like the rest of his life. Why couldn't one thing go right for once?

* * *

By now, he didn't even care how she reacted. He just wanted her to know. Even if she reacted badly. Even if she attacked him for being a hellion. She just had to be alone. No one else needed to know. Especially not her guard dog. That seraph would attack him whether Rose wanted him to or not... and that wasn't something Lunarre wanted to experience. Not after seeing those skills in action.

She was finally alone. Taking a stroll through Pendrago while the Shepherd took a break from being a Shepherd. Without any of the Seraphim. It was perfect. Lunarre walked up to her, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender as soon as she reached for her weapons.

"I just want to talk, Boss. I'm not here to fight you."

"But you're a-"

"Member of the Scattered Bones and there's something I need to tell you."

Rose didn't relax at all and he kept the smile on his face. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that this was going to end badly. But, better to say it than keep it to himself any longer. Nothing he did could change what had happened and if she attacked him, then so be it.

"I love you."


End file.
